One used to
decline to give tutorials on Wednesdays because it spoilt both his weekends.
Another, when
asked what precisely he was that he did, by a Government Inspector, replied “I
give an annual lecture – but not you understand every year”.
They had a certain
waspish style of speech. It was a former President of my College whose obituary
said that “his biting wit was much admired by his ever-decreasing circle of
friends.”
EXAMS.
We are, of
course, very much an academic institution. At the end of the road still lie the
dreaded Finals. We have, alas, abolished the Fourth Class, traditionally
awarded to candidates who gave long and brilliant answers to questions
examiners had not asked.
One candidate who
should surely have qualified for a Fourth wrote these words only on his paper: Macbeth Act 5, Scene
5.
The curious
examiner looked it up in his Collected Shakespeare. It said: “I cannot do this
bloody thing.”
THE BOAT RACE.
While we are here
to celebrate the Boat Race, I read recently about another boat race on the
Seine River in Paris between Toyota and the Peugeot motor companies. Both teams
practised long and hard to reach their peak
performance before the race.
On the big day,
the Japanese won by a mile. The French, very discouraged and depressed, decided
to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team
made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend
appropriate action. Their conclusion was Toyota had 8 people rowing and 1
person steering, while the Peugeot team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
So, Peugeot hired
a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a
second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the
boat, while not enough people were rowing.
So to prevent
another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was
totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents
and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented
a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater
incentive to work harder, with meetings with celebrities, dinners and free pens
for the rower. There was agreement on getting new oars, a new boat and other equipment,
extra vacation days for practices, and a big bonus.
The next year the
Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, Peugeot management laid off the rower
for poor performance, halted development of a new boat, sold the oars, and
cancelled all capital investment in new equipment.
The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the
next year’s racing team was outsourced to India.
So much for
rowing!
CREATION OF THE US.
Oxford and
Cambridge have, I'm sure you all know, played their part in the creation of the US.
Oxonians made it both possible and inevitable for the American colonies to become
independent. All of the eight colonies between New York and Florida were
founded or once owned by an Oxonian.
Sir Walter
Raleigh from Oriel founded the first colony, Virginia.
George Calvert,
earl of Baltimore from Trinity Oxford, founded Maryland as a Catholic haven.
Earl Granville from Christ Church founded the Carolinas and two
of my college’s three Prime Ministers, who were bitterly opposed to each other,
contributed in their respective ways to the creation
of the US:
- William Pitt the Elder
chased the French out of Canada and ultimately out of the whole of North America,
while
- Lord North so alienated the colonists by overtaxing them to pay for Pitt's
wars, that he made their rebellion inevitable. (Pitt, incidentally, was vehemently
opposed to making the colonies pay.)
William Penn of
Christ Church founded Pennsylvania, of course.
And John Harvard
of Emmanuel Cambridge gave his name to the incomparable Harvard, donating to it his
library.
If the pioneering
spirit of the Raleighs and the Pitts was evident in the 16th and 18th
centuries, it has fully been taken over by the modern descendants of the
original colonists.
What we most need
in Oxford and Cambridge is an infusion of the best
qualities of this
country -
- a can-do
spirit
- an
optimism which says that the goals of fairness and equality are achieved by leveling
up and not by leveling down
- a
generosity of spirit and of substance to the institutions which nurtured us in
our youth.
It's this
generosity, and not just of spirit, that has helped Oxford and Cambridge so much
in recent years as our US alumni have so often stepped in as we become progressively
more orphaned by the British state. We are collectively enormously indebted to
our US alumni.
My college was
Head of the River at Oxford for 17 years between 1938 and 1951. The College was
then divided into three distinct groups of undergraduates.
- The
first group consisted of those who thought that the College was a boat club,
- the
second group consisted of those who thought that the College ought to be a boat
club, and
- the
third group was a statistically insignificant number.
Matters have
become more difficult, now that ability on the river counts for less than ability
in the library or lab. in the admissions process.
Our Chaplain was
questioning one aspirant theologian and oarsman, whose muscles were more
obvious than his Christianity, and who appeared to have only a tenuous grasp of
the New Testament, and a still lesser one of the Old.
So finally he
asked him “what was it” in the book of Genesis of which it was said “it moveth
slowly upon the face of the waters and is filled with all manner of strange
beasts?”
And the schoolboy
replied hopefully “The Balliol Schools VIII”?
Rowers don't always
get the best press. You may remember reading about the rower who was down at
the sea one day and saw a girl swimming a good distance out but circling her
was an unmistakeable shark fin.
Without a
moment's hesitation our intrepid oarsman threw himself in the sea, swam out to
the girl, karate chopped the shark to death and swam back to land with the
girl.
A man on the
beach came up to our hero and said "that's the bravest thing I've ever seen.
I'm a reporter for the local paper, I'd like to write that up. Tell me, what's
your job?" "I'm a rower" said our hero.
The next day, the
local paper carried the headline: "Rower kills girl's pet."
Wait, it's not
over. Our hero is so disconsolate at this bad publicity that he decides to give
up rowing and enter a Trappist monastery. The rules were very strict. A monk
was only allowed to speak once every ten years and then only to utter two
words. At the end of ten years, our hero said to the
Abbot. "Bed hard". Another ten years went by and he then told the
Abbot "food bad". Finally after another ten long years, he said to
the Abbot "I quit".
The Abbot was
very angry. "I knew this was coming" he said. "You've done nothing
but complain for the last 30 years."
Well we've had
nothing to complain about tonight. We've had a wonderful evening and are hugely
grateful to our hosts.
I give you the
toast. To our sponsors.
More Boat Race Dinner Information
Past BRDs This Year's BRDs
Boat Race News - "The Oarsmen Weigh In"
Danielle Rossingh of Bloomberg Sports reports on March 5 that American Steve Dudek will be rowing again in 2013 after winning over Oxford in the "interrupted" Boat Race on the Thames. The race is being called the BNY Mellon Boat Race, after its new sponsor, which for the first time ever will be a U.S.-based company.
Here are some highlights from her story:
Cambridge has an 81-76 lead in the series.
Dudek is one of five returning Cambridge crew members. Acknowledging that the 2012 victory was "hollow" given the disruption, Dudek is looking forward to the Easter Sunday race on March 31.
The race started in 1829 with a Cambridge student's challenge. This is the first time the Boat Race will have four U.S. crew members. Cambridge will have just one Brit on board.
The women’s boat race is moving toward equal status with the men's race. It will this year be held a week earlier at Henley. Starting in 2015 they will be one the same day over the same course.
Last year's demonstrator from Australia was protesting budget cuts in the UK. He has been adding to the UK's prison expenditure since September 2012, with a six-month sentence for creating a public nuisance.
The event will be watched by 250,000 on the banks of the Thames and millions on television. [In 2012 A group of New Yorkers watched at a bar in Chelsea.]
The Oxford crew outweighed Cambridge by 21 kilos, first time since 2009 that Oxford has been heavier. But the Cambridge women outweighed Oxford by 28.4 kilos.
Oxford's crew is looking for vindication after last year's bizarre defeat. Oxford coach Sean Bowden has had eight victories since he started coaching in 1998. Two rowers return from last year.
Contact: Danielle Rossingh on the London sports desk at drossingh@bloomberg.net. Tip of the hat to Russell Dallen for alerting us to the London weigh-in.
CALENDAR OF OXFORD-CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE DINNERS, APRIL 2013
Scheduled dates for 2013 dinners are provided below along with Oxford Alumni Networks listings for 2012/13. To add to or correct this list, contact jtmarlin@post.harvard.edu.
ARIZONA
Phoenix - jonathan.rose@asu.edu -
CALIFORNIA
San Francisco - m.kaser@comcast.net - www.oxcam.org
DAKOTAS AND MINNESOTA
Joel Pace pacejf@uwec.edu
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA -- WASHINGTON DINNER (66th) - April 18, 2013
Dinner chair George Keys (Balliol, Oxford) gkeys@jordankeys.com
Emcee James Fallows (Queen's, Oxford), Atlantic.
Toast to the Universities by Katty Kay (Oxford), Lead anchor at BBC World News America
Response from the Universities by Gillian Tett (Clare, Cambridge), Financial Times
ILLINOIS -
CHICAGO DINNER (74th) - April 12, 2013
Secretary-Treasurer John H. Morrison, OBE (Univ., Oxford) johnhmorrison@outlook.com
John Morrison@BoatRace US.www.boatrace.us
Emcee Paul Svoboda (Queens' College, Cambridge)
Mr. Michael J. Dickenson (Christ's College, Cambridge) will report on the 159th Boat Race
Speakers Dr. Robin H. Walker (Queens' College, Cambridge)
Mr. Robert Chatterton Dickson (Magdalene, Cambridge), H.M. Consult General
Musical selections by the Chicago Gilbert & Sullivan Opera Company
LOUISIANA
Philip Kirk Jones, Jr. joski@liskow.com
MISSOURI
- Kansas City
Brandon Baeur bhunterb@gmail.com
- St. Louis
David Pollack missouri@ousoc.oson.org
MASSACHUSETTS
Neil Malcolm
newengland@ousoc.oxon.org www.oxcamne.org
NEW YORK - NYC DINNER (80th Anniversary Gala) - April 11, 2013
Grace, Archbishop Peter Carnley (Emmanuel and St. John's, Cambridge)
Mr. Claude Prince (Kellogg, Oxford) will report on the 159th BNY Mellon Boat Race
Toast to the President, Dr. Julia Gog (Queens', Cambridge)
Toast to the Queen, Dr. John Tepper Marlin (Trinity, Oxford)
Toast to the Universities, H.M. Ambassador to the U.S. Sir Peter Westmacott (New, Oxford)(tbc)
Response from the Universities, Sir Ivor Roberts (Keble, Oxford), President, Trinity, Oxford
The dinner is sponsored by BNY Mellon.
OREGON
cgondek@heronandcrane.com www.oxbridgenw.ning.com
UTAH
Russell Fisher utah.oxford@gmail.com
TENNESSEE
Nashville
Donald McKenzie dmckenzie@dmckenzielaw.com
VIRGINIA
Charlottesville n@hild.org
WASHINGTON
Michael Brunet brunetm@gmail.com
OTHER POSTS
Obituary, Denis B. Woodfield, second Chairman of the NYC Dinner (after Bruce Harvey), active in the running of the British Schools and Universities Foundation. http://ox-cam-nyc.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/denis-b.html
Photos of 80th Dinner by Peter Sealy https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151436457831297.1073741827.676196296&type=1
Program for 80th NYC Dinner April 11, 2013 and other North American Boat Race events http://ox-cam-nyc.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/ox-cam-dinners-april-2013-nyc-chicago-dc.html